What Station Is The Tampa Bay Football Game On An Idiot’s Guide To American Football

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An Idiot’s Guide To American Football

Thanks to the wonders of satellite and cable television, we beyond the shores of the New World have a selection of programs on a global scale, many of which are not watched, but some catch the eye, and one of them is American football. This is a very macho game for boys only, unlike baseball and basketball, which are girls’ games, better known in the Old World as rounders and netball.

So, for those of you who know little or nothing about the game, here’s an idiot’s guide to teach you:

There are two teams, which helps add to the excitement, and they are usually called by exotic names related to their hometown. So you have the Tampa Bay Rowdies, the San Francisco High Fives, the Minnesota Maulers, and so on.

Each member of the team is dressed as the Incredible Hulk, padded like an overpriced sofa, and topped with a helmet and mouth guard, making it difficult if not impossible to follow the action.

There are as many as fifteen people from each team on the field of play at any given time, and another fifteen on the touchline waiting to enter. This depends on whether the team is in offensive or defensive mode [more later].

As many as three referees, dressed as convicts and treated accordingly, have small red handkerchiefs that they throw on the ground when they blow the whistle to stop the game. All very colorful.

The purpose of the game is to get to the opponent’s end zone, known somewhat oddly as the touchdown zone, as no ‘touchdown’ is required. But regardless. When they do, they get points.

Teams take turns with the ball and try to progress down the field using different tactics, including ‘first and ten’, ‘second and ten’ and so on and so forth. They have four attempts to advance on the field and then have to give the ball to the opposing team to try their luck. This is a sign of a major change in team members, as the offensive pack with the ball is replaced by a defensive pack without the ball, and the other team’s defensive pack without the ball is replaced by their offensive pack, who will receive the ball when the other team’s specialist kicker picks it up. His job is really easy, as he only comes to the field to hit and then runs away before being flattened by the opposing team, which is now on the offensive.

The most important player on any team is called the quarterback, so called because he always seems to give up. He also controls the plays, taken out while in the huddle, where tactics are agreed upon. He is then given the ball and has to do something with it or be flattened in the process. He can either throw it to a teammate, which is a good idea, who then runs like the wind, or if he is completely out of ideas, he can run with the ball himself, a tactic that is generally not recommended for health and safety reasons.

Finally, for the red-blooded men among you, each team has its own platoon of cheerleaders, leggy, sweet and lithe girls and a feast for the eyes, who jump and dance to cheer on their team and provide a welcome distraction from the antics on the pitch.

Here it is, so tune in and with the help of this guide, you’ll be an expert in no time.

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