What Time Does Dallas Football Game Come On Today Thanksgiving – A Holiday For the Birds

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Thanksgiving – A Holiday For the Birds

Thanks giving Day. A joyous celebration of the meeting of the Old World with the New World. What an exciting day it must have been when the first settlers stepped into this strange and wonderful world and came face to face with the original natives of this exciting new land. Not unlike the Walgreens Grand Opening.

I can imagine them sharing a huge meal made with recipes from both sides of the Atlantic. I can imagine the settlers talking, laughing, shaking hands, and making friends with their new brethren, not realizing that these newcomers would virtually eliminate them from the face of the Earth within three centuries. Drink on the dig.

In honor of that tradition, we’ve decided to continue this meaningful celebration every third or fourth Thursday in November, depending on the current administration and whether the president has planned a duck hunting expedition for that weekend.

Like that first eventful celebration long ago, we have friends over in our homes so we can indulge in the enjoyment of human company by stuffing ourselves with turkey, dressing, candied yams, jelly beans and a vast array of desserts that would make a Weight Watchers advisor went to confession.

After this gluttonous feast is over, the men unbuckle their belts, let out a loud obnoxious belch that can be heard in the next zip code, and sprawl out on the sofa to watch seemingly endless football games.

Women, on the other hand, have the glorious task of clearing the table, jamming the dishwasher to capacity, and debating what to get grandma for Christmas through subliminal hints.

The kids go to the bedroom where they plugged in the Nintendo and, with loud voices, destroy the military resistance of Zakkon’s forces. Or, they hook up a VCR and watch tons of Disney animation videos until smart Alec, a raging-hormones fourteen-year-old, slips in a fake copy of “Debbi Does Dallas.”

One can’t help but wonder, did the Pilgrims have this kind of debauchery in mind when they sat down centuries ago to enjoy the harvest they had just reaped?

Can you really imagine settlers grabbing a huge meal of fowl, corn stuffing, and pumpkin pie, only to throw themselves in front of an open fire, clutching their full bellies and wishing someone would invent Alka-Seltzer?

Is it hard to imagine that around ten o’clock everyone would crowd into the cooking area of ​​that little cabin to make a turkey sandwich on rye smothered with cranberry? (That is, until Mr. Hellman came up with a better idea?)

Could it be that the women were actually discussing, as they tossed the bones and carcass of the now-meatless bird, a big buffalo hide sale at the local trading post?

Did they all, after finishing this hearty meal, descend upon the open fields of clover to witness the exhibition between the real Redskins and the Patriots?

How hard is it to imagine children of that time playing the exciting game of Donkey Kong… with a real donkey?

I really find it hard to believe that this is what our ancestors even had in mind. Do you honestly believe that our ancestors would be proud of us if they saw what we did at the celebration they so thoughtfully created? Probably not. But what the hell. They are dead. Pass me the drumstick.

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